Guilt
by PagelessWanderer
Summary: Set after the events of Book Four. Avatar Korra's life journey continues, and there is still room to progress and grow. Rated M for violence and sad content.
1. Chapter 1

**Still geeking out over Korrasami, and its two months later. Sigh… I went down with the ship. Hard. **

**For those new to me, my writing style is I get an idea, write it real quick, then post it. I don't have an editor, and I don't have a set posting schedule. I hope you enjoy regardless! **

She had been called to a small town just outside Republic City by the Province elected representative. There had been bandits in the area looting and injuring civilians, and they needed someone to help. Generally, Avatar Korra would let smaller problems like this get handled by some of the more talented benders from the White Lotus, but some of the surrounding towns were scared and needed a beacon of hope, so the Avatar had decided it was best to handle this situation herself.

Currently, she and two White Lotus members were patrolling outside of the city by moonlight. Normally, her girlfriend Asami would come with her, but she was working on a huge bid for an upcoming project on the ongoing city expansion, and couldn't get the time off. How Republic City was still expanding nearly four years after Kuvira destroyed downtown, she will never know.

The town was along a river, one of the many rivers that flowed into the ocean that separated The United Earth Colonies, or the UEC, from the Fire Nation and Water tribes. This river happened to have a lot of Salmon-Koi running up it at this time of year, making their annual trek upstream to find their nesting grounds. This made the town very profitable and a hot spot for bandits, as salmon-koi were considered a delicacy among the wealthy in Ba Sing Se. Korra had tried some herself at Quong's Cuisine once on a fancy date with Asami, but she had to admit she didn't care for it too much. It just wasn't the same as the fish in the South Pole.

Korra looked slightly to her right at the slowly rushing water as she walked along the rocky shore, feeling peaceful and serene by her native element. The town lights reflected off the water, the small waves making the reflective light dance. In her right hand she held her bo staff, which could at any moment become an air glider. Behind her, the two White Lotus members quietly chatted with each other, their feet making clinking noises as the rocks moved and adjusted below their body weight as they stepped down. They were discussing the stars, occasionally pointing them out in the night sky.

"See that one there?" pointed the shorter of the two, her short, black hair pulled back into a ponytail that looked almost spikey. "That one didn't exist until Harmonic Convergence; I heard that Unaavatu's brief victory and covering the world in darkness caused its appearance; it came with the Spirit Lights that are like the lights at the North and South Poles."

The other White Lotus Member shook his head, his messy, brown hair moving to and fro as it stuck up in almost all directions. "No, that can't be right! How could darkness cause light? I think that one came later; with the creation of the new Spirit Portal!"

Korra chuckled to herself as she listened to them discuss these events, and then sighed. Those had been chaotic days, but somehow, she had found her way through them. By finding peace and balance in who she was as a person, she had helped guide the world to find peace and balance itself in this new age.

The man and woman behind had begun to quarrel about the star, and were thus no longer enamored with the beauty of the night sky. Korra looked over her shoulder at them, her bangs slightly obscuring her vision. The White Lotus had slowly evolved with the times, and were now no longer wearing oversized robes and funny hats. Their outfits were now more akin to the Air Nomads Glider suits, tight fitting for easy maneuverability but enhanced aerodynamics; however theirs were white and blue, adorned with the White Lotus Pai Sho tile.

Korra looked to her left, thinking she heard something in the knee-high grass that separated the majority of the town from the rocky river, excluding the dock that was a mile or two back. She held up her left hand, effectively silencing and stopping the confrontational duo behind her. Suddenly, hoots and howls filled the night sky, and eight or so individuals jumped up, making a rush at them.

Placing her feet to just outside shoulder width and bending her knees until she was in a solid horse stance, she whipped her staff behind her and brought her left hand back only to bring it forward again, keeping her hand open and effectively guarding her centerline. In the corner of her eye, she saw the White Lotus members getting in similar stances to get ready for the fight.

"Look-y here gang! The Avatar has graced us with her presence! We must be _serious_ threat!" A bulky, short man with a mohawk cackled as he and the others came to a stop, surrounding Korra and the other two.

A tall, skinny man with a lot of tattoo's stood next to the short man who appeared to be the leader. "Yeah, so serious!" he piped in, his voice humorously high for a man. "I never knew we were such a big deal boss!"

The leader punched the arm of his second-in-command. "Idiot, I was being sarcastic." He mumbled, thinking it was just loud enough that only the tall man could hear, but his deep, grumbly voice carried and thus was heard by everyone.

"Leave this town alone and find respectable employment elsewhere." The Avatar vocalized loudly. "I'm sure myself and the White Lotus can help you achieve such modest goals." She stated, staying in her defensive stance.

"Now!" The boss shouted, lunging forward at Korra and the other two as he did so. The gang began to hoot and holler again as they lunged to attack the group of three, the second in command giggling.

Korra flicked her wrist, shooting a small gust of air at the ring leader, flinging him back and knocking him on his ass. Bringing her foot in and sliding it back out she bent the rocks under one of the other members, making them lose their balance With a stomp, Korra locked the foot of the female gang member in earth that had been below the rocks into the ground making her trip and fall on her face. Korra winced in sympathy, as the rocky shore would be unforgiving. Next to her the two white lotus members were fighting two members each, leaving four members for Korra. Her focus being on the leader and this other member, the tall, tattooed man with a hilariously high pitched voice body slammed her, giggling as he knocked her down in a bear hug.

Korra rolled with his body weight, and did a backwards monkey roll such that he was now off her. This probably wasn't the best idea given the rocky terrain, and she felt a cut or two on the back of her neck. She overshot the roll and ended up on her butt instead of on her feet, a good portion of her body now being engulfed in water.

Looking up, eyes blurry with water, she saw a pale, dark-haired, well-built man. She recognized his stance; his legs were wide in a perfect horse stance. His palms were facing each other, and he had only two fingers raised. His hands were sparking.

Korra remembered Sifu Katara insisting that she, as the Avatar, needed to learn how to redirect lightning, having seen Avatar Aang nearly end the Avatar cycle due to this dangerous ability. Korra thus recognized that this man was about to bend lightning at her. There was no time to think, and certainly not enough time to stand and get in the proper stance to redirect the lightning. There was only time to act, and act quickly.

Korra raised her hand with a bent wrist in an upper ulna strike. The water around her formed into an ice spike, and plunged into the chest of the man before her. The man gasped, coughed blood, staining the ice that had sunk deeply into him, and slumped forward.


	2. Chapter 2

Asami raised an eyebrow as she rested a hand on her flared hip, looking at the mess that was her best friend sitting in the booth below her. The table countertop was covered in a mix of noodle broth, snot, tears, and cheap sake. Resting in the liquidy mess was a couple bowls, a tall, white bottle, and a small cup. Within one of these bowls was an overstuffed fire ferret, attempting to curl itself around its fat belly to comfort itself from the massive belly ache he was experiencing.

She sighed, and patted Pabu's head, hearing it chirp and groan, unable to find pleasure in the pat due to the massive amounts of food he had consumed. Asami turned her gaze at the ferret's owner, himself wallowing in the goop on the table. His hands were wrapped around his head, his face planted firmly on the table. Every now and again she heard a sniffle.

"Hey, thanks for coming in on such short notice." The owner said from behind the bar, drying off a glass as he spoke. "We closed about 20 minutes ago, and I sure appreciate you coming and picking him up. I tried his brother, but he was working the night shift and couldn't come in."

"I understand. Thanks Narook." Asami smiled sympathetically, looking over her shoulder at the balding man as she spoke.

Narook just nodded, setting the glass down and walking into the kitchen that was in the back. Asami turned and looked again at Bolin, who was groaning. He turned his head just enough to peak one eye up, and Asami cocked her eyebrow again at him.

"So, what did you and Opal fight about this time?" Asami sighed, squating down and putting a hand on Bolin's shoulder.

Bolin threw his head back, snot hanging his nose and tears staining his cheeks. He began to mumble something unintelligible, hands waving wildly in the air. Asami dared not venture closer to his face to be able to understand his jumbled phrases for fear of the waving hands, and sighed in defeat. Squeezing his shoulder, she used it as leverage to stand again.

"Bolin, I love you like a brother, but I can't understand you when you're like this." She slipped her lithe hand under his armpit and lifted, lips curling in disgust at the wet warmth they held. "Come on Bo-let's get you home."

Bolin slumped forward, nearly falling before righting himself in the nick of time, using Asami as support. He leaned into her and rested his head on her shoulder, smiling sheepishly. "You… are ssssuch a g-g-good –**HICK**\- friend Asami. I love you soooooooo fucking much!"

Asami giggled. "I love you too, man," She lightly punched his chest as she slipped her arm around her back to stabilize him. Her expression hardened. "But you OWE me."

Bolin smiled nervously, raising a hand with his fingers half curled into a half fist with his thumb raised in a feeble attempt at the thumbs-up sign. He used the same hand to scoop up his furry companion, and let himself be slowly dragged outside the restaurant and bar to Asami's Satomobile.

* * *

Asami opened the door to her shared home with her partner Korra and closed it, locking it behind her. She tossed her keys on the kitchen counter as she walked by, too exhausted and lazy to put them in their proper place. It was one in the morning, and she was just ready to go to bed. Putting in a long day at work as the CEO and head engineer of Future Industries was enough to wear her out normally, but coming to Bolin's rescue made her day that much more tiring. Not that she didn't want to do it; her naturally kind nature wouldn't have that, and she loved Bolin, but he could be a lot to handle sometimes.

Asami walked into her's and Korra's bedroom, and sighed at the empty bed. She hated sleeping alone, but it was something she had to do every now again, what with her business trips and the Avatar's duties pulling them away from each other at times. She turned and went to the walk-in closet, kicking off her boots as she did so. Normally a very neat person, Asami shed her clothes and let them fall in a heap on the floor, knowing she would pick them up eventually. Changing into a light purple nightgown, she pulled her hair out of its usual low ponytail and felt her hair fall onto her now uncovered shoulders.

Once done, she turned to walk into their bedroom. She was too tired to brush her teeth or remove her makeup, and was resolved to go straight to bed. That is, until she looked out on the balcony window and saw a dark-skinned beauty whose once short, brown hair had grown out into a long braid sitting on the patio's railings, her staff leaning against the rail next to her. Her tight blue tank top clung to her muscles and curves, leaving little of her back to Asami's imagination; especially since she had seen that back in its naked entirety in the past. She walked briskly to the balcony doors and opened them. "Korra!"

Korra turned to look at her lover, tears in her eyes. "Hey, love." She jumped off the rail and rushed to Asami, burying her face in the taller woman's shoulder. "I missed you."

Asami leaned her head against Korra's as she wrapped her arms tightly around her. "I missed you too sweetie." She pulled back a little, hands sliding down Korra's arms, thumbs rubbing comforting circles. "Are you okay?"

This was a question Korra heard Asami say thousands of times, but each time it surprised her that someone, especially someone as amazing, beautiful, caring, and smart as Asami, would care to ask her. "To be perfectly honest…" Korra shuddered, her knees growing weak. "I'm not okay."

Asami tugged on Korra's arm, pulling her inside their shared room. She sat on the edge of the bed, beckoning her partner to join her. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Korra nodded, looking down at her hands, opening and closing them as she spoke. "Something… bad happened on the mission today."

Asami stayed silent, waiting for Korra to finish in her own time.

"I… I-" Korra choked, hands balling into fists. She had to come to terms with it. "I killed someone tonight."

Asami gasped, bringing her hand to her mouth.

"He was going to kill me, and I just reacted. He was a lightning bender, and everything happened so fast, and if I only had done something different, he wouldn't be dead, and-"

Korra was cut off by a near bone-crushing hug from the woman before her. She dropped her head onto Asami's shoulder, leaving her hands open in defeated agony in her lap. All Korra could do was sob.

They sat this way for a while, Asami holding Korra as she cried. Asami lifted a hand the back of Korra's head, running her hand down her braided hair as she cooed in her ear. "I'm so sorry that happened Korra. It's going to be okay." Asami began to repeat this over and over until it became a mantra, hoping that Korra would hear and believe it-which she knew was unlikely.

Once Korra's sobs died down, a thought struck Asami. She continued to pet and hold Korra as she spoke aloud. "I may not understand what you are going through… I have never killed anyone myself that I know of. But… maybe you should talk to Mako. He would understand."

Korra sniffed in Asami's shoulder, smelling Asami's jasmine scene even through the tears. "Okay." She sighed shakily, that being all the strength she had in her to utter.

Asami nodded, then slid off the edge of the bed. She squatted down to remove Korra's boots. Korra let her do this, being too emotionally spent to object to the love of her life's near self-deprecating kindness. Once her boots were removed, Asami lifted the feet of the Avatar onto the bed, then pulled a blanket up on top of her, leaving the sheets below her. Walking around the edge of the bed, Asami got into bed herself, such that she was also on top of the sheets but below the main blanket, so that she could pull the Avatar close to her bosom. They lay in silence, Korra completely out of tears, until they unsteadily fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm trying to get better at updating… so here you go!**

Korra sat on the stool, swirling the straw around in her glass, watching the liquid inside whirl around at a slightly slower pace than the straw. Around her the pub was fairly loud, but she couldn't hear it. All her focus was on the dark drink before her.

A gloved hand came down on her shoulder. The sudden interruption of her empty thoughts startled Korra, making her jump. She grabbed the wrist of the intruder and ducked her head under the arm, placing a firm arm on the elbow, putting the person in an armbar. She slammed the body on the countertop before her, knocking over the drink that had immersed so much of her attention before. The bar patrons shushed around her, startled at the sudden violence. The only thing that could be heard was the radio, playing a soft, jazzy number.

"WHOA WHOA take it easy Korra! It's just me!" Mako raised up his free hand as he tried to turn his face towards Korra, which turned out to be extremely difficult with her smushing his face against the wooden surface of the bar. Korra's eyes widened, realizing it was just her friend, and she let go. The patrons behind them seemed to un-freeze, resuming in creating noise. Mako stood straight, brushing off his grey jacket. The both took stools, and sat down again. Korra set an elbow on the counter, pushing her fingers into her slightly tussled hair, effectively resting her head on her hand. Meanwhile, Mako raised a hand to the bar-keep.

"Hey, could I get a shot of Cactus juice? Also, I'd like to get my friend here another one of whatever she had been drinking a moment ago."

The bartended nodded, then turned around to start mixing and preparing their drinks.

"Going for the hard stuff quick, aren't you Mako?" Korra mused snarkily, looking at a knot in the wood of the bar, now stripped of the drink that had consumed her attention earlier. She began to scratch at the knot with what little nail she had on her middle finger.

"Tonight is a 'go for the hard stuff' kind of night." Mako replied, just as the bartender slid them their drinks. Mako reached into his pocket for his wallet, removing some yuans to pay the man. "Keep the change." Mako said, addressing the bartender.

"So, why did you want to meet here? It's not exactly private." Korra huffed.

Mako raised an eyebrow, and sighed. Korra and him got along better than ever now that they weren't together, but she still gave him a hard time every now and again. "Everyone here is real respectful; we've all hit hard times here. That, and nobody will say anything; especially not the barkeep. He's mute."

Korra's eyes widened. "Really? I didn't realize."

"Not everyone does." Mako crossed his arms. "But he's a damn good bartender." He uncrossed his arms, picking up his shot. "Cheers." He raised the glass to clink with Korra's, then threw it back. He grimaced at the terrible taste, then smiled at the warmth the liquor it brought to his chest. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

* * *

"Goddamnit!" Asami growled under her breath. She just couldn't loosen this damn nut that she working on under the hood of her dark blue satomobile. Frustrated, she gave up, dropping the wrench in the toolbox she kept on the workbench. She wiped her brow with her bear forearm, finding it covered in a light sheen of sweat.

Across the workshop, her radio-phone began to ring. Naga, who was resting just below the window of the workshop, howled to the high-pitched ringtone.

"Quiet, Naga!" Asami shouted as she removed her brown work gloves, wiping her hands on her brown pants. "Good evening, Asami Sato, CEO and Head Engineer of Future Industries. May I ask who is calling?" she recited into the receiver. Even though this was technically her home line, she frequently had to take business calls from home, and became accustomed to answering professionally with every call.

"HEY ASAMI! So nice to hear from you again." An enthusiastic voice shouted from the other end.

Asami's eyebrows creased, and she brought her thumb and forefinger to the bridge of her nose, trying to rub out some of the frustration. "Varrick. You called me. Therefore, I am hearing from you, not the other way around."

"Papaya, Papeyya. So, I was wondering if you had reconsidered sending over the schematics of your Dad's old Mecha tanks. By combining my mecha and your mecha, we could make a super mecha! We could make millions!"

Asami's eyebrow began to twitch, and a throbbing heading was starting to form. "I've told you a hundred times Varrick, NO." And with that, she hung up the receiver.

Asami sat on the workbench, dropping her head into her hands, her low ponytail falling to obscure part of her vision. Naga walked in and layed at Asami's feet, nudging at her boots. Normally, Naga knew better than to come into Asami's workshop, but she had a nack for coming in when Asami needed comfort. The businesswoman's ruby lips pulled up slightly, and she reached up to scratch behind the ear of Korra's spirit-animal.

Asami thought back to the humming bird-fly incident when Kuvira destroyed downtown. The memory of the machine her father was in being crushed by the giant mecha flashed before her eyes; a mecha that had been inspired by his inventions. "Bending is dangerous, but so is science. I won't let Sato inventions be the cause of any more pain. I won't inadvertently be responsible for any more deaths." She hung her head low, closing her eyes tight.

* * *

Mako put an arm around Korra's shoulders, leaning against her. A familiar tune was on the radio. "Badgermoles, digging holes… uh, what was the next line?" Mako sang out of tune.

Korra laughed. "Shouldn't you know that? He is YOUR boyfriend, after all." Her drink sloshed as she pointed at Mako with the hand that held the glass.

"Wu has released so many songs as 'The Prince', and sings so many random ones at our Condo, I can never keep track of them." Mako slurred, slamming his shot glass down.

Korra was suddenly morose. "Mako, it happened so fast… I could have done something else. Airbent him, or, … something. Or not overshot that damn monkeyroll."

Mako looked at Korra, rubbing the rim of his shot glass with his thumb. "In the heat of battle, shit happens. What you did was instinctual to keep yourself alive." He squeezed the glass. "Did you ever hear about what happened to the Red Lotus Members, other than Zaheer?"

Korra's head rolled as she dropped it down to her open palms. "Not really. Asami said that you and Bolin had taken care of them, and at the time, I was too depressed to ask more about it."

"It was actually a similar situation to yours. I was trapped in a corner and acted on instinct. Only, it was the opposite. The waterbender with no arms was going to kill me, and I bent lightning at her. It shocked her and the water, and I remember hearing a blood curdling scream." Mako hunched over. "She fell, and didn't get up. I didn't have time to feel bad at the time, I had to save Bolin from the lava bender."

Korra looked into her drink. "That… must have been hard."

"Having grown up on the streets, I knew that in times like those, it was kill, or be killed." He looked up at Korra. "That doesn't mean it wasn't hard for me to deal with. I carried the guilt of having killed someone for a long time. It didn't matter that it was necessary at the moment, it still felt wrong."

Korra squeezed her eyes shut. "As the Avatar, it is my duty to do what is necessary to protect, and keep balance in the world. For some of my past lives, that has required someone to be taken out." She looked away from Mako, still somewhat ashamed at having lost the connection to her past lives by ending the cycle of the original Avatar. "But this wasn't for the sake of the world. This wasn't even that big of a deal. He was… just a person; someone that probably just needed some money for his family." A tear fell from her eye. "And the Avatar killed him in a moment of carelessness. He died senselessly because of MY actions."

"You weren't being careless Korra, you were trying to protect yourself." Mako sympathized, putting a hand on her back.

Korra shrugged off his hand, still refusing to look at him. "It's not my JOB to protect myself, it's my job to protect the world."

Mako grabbed Korra's shoulder and turned her towards him, attempting to make her look at his face as he spoke. "But you have so much to live for. Isn't your life worth protecting too? And if you had died, it would be another long time before another Avatar appeared and was ready for the responsibility. Isn't your continued presence as Avatar worth it?"

Korra was silent. Mako continued. "And what about Asami? What would she do without you?" Korra winced. "Hasn't she suffered enough?"

Korra started at that. "Asami understands that I am the Avatar and that I must put my life on the line for the sake of the world."

Mako slammed his hand on the bar. "But this fight didn't determine the fate of the world. How senseless would it have been to die at the hands of someone like him?"

Korra knew that she could say more on this, but was too tired, and frankly too drunk, to keep responding reasonably. She hung her head. "What do I do?"

"Well, it's going to take a long time before you come to terms with it. You could start by attending the cremation. Citizens of the fire nation tend to be cremated over burial."

Korra nodded. "We should leave." She motioned to the door.

Mako nodded. "Yeah, we should. I'll walk you home."

Korra smiled at Mako. "Thanks. I appreciate that."


	4. Chapter 4

**I'm terrible, I know. Things got INSANE IRL. Sorry :/**

Asami looked into the watery blue eyes of the one she loved, a small reflection showing in them of the fire that licked the sky, showing where Korra's focus was. The elder woman turned, looking back at the source of the flames. A sickly odor filled the air, the incense burning around them and the other attendants in a circle not quite enough to mask it, the fact that there was no wind in the air not helping the matter. The sun was setting, making the sky above an orange color, and it was unbearably hot.

Her ears perked at a stray sniffle from the other side of the circle that surrounded the flames. She was unable to make out who uttered the sound, but she felt the hand that she holding tense at the noise. Asami squeezed it reassuringly, unable to do more for her dark skinned woman at the moment. Korra didn't seem to notice the gesture, her eyes strained red and wide, trying to contain all the shame that Asami knew she felt.

Asami appeared to be a little dazed too, as she missed the fact that a little girl was walking around the inside of the circle until the girl was pulling at the animal hide that wrapped around the Avatar's hips.

"Miss Avatar?" the girl cooed quietly, looking down at her feet.

Asami gave a small, ginger smile to the little girl. She squeezed Korra's hand again, a little harder this time to pull her attention away for just a moment to look at the dark haired little girl.

Korra squeezed her eyes shut, shaking her head slightly to bring herself back to the present. Her eyes appearing less glazed over, she let go of Asami's hand and squatted down, giving her attention to the fire nation child. She simply hummed in reply, unable to speak.

The girl shuffled in her red and black dress, then looked up into the eyes of the young adult. "Miss Avatar, why did you take my Uncle away? I didn't think he was a bad guy… I thought the Avatar only took away bad guys?"

Asami put her one hand to her chest and the other hand over her gasping mouth, listening as Korra's breath caught. The girl hung her head, tears quietly streaming down her face.

"Why did you take him away? Why Miss Avatar, why?" The girl fisted her hands, shaking as she began to sob loudly. She began to scream loudly, "WHY? WHY DID HE HAVE TO GO?!"

Asami watched as Korra hung her head low. The girl moved forward, hitting Korra's shoulders as hard as she could. Asami moved forward, but someone who appeared to be the girl's mother had moved to retrieve her daughter just as she had started to hit Korra, and she pulled her off, the girl kicking and screaming as she was lifted into the air.

Asami moved to wrap her arms around Korra's back, feeling it shutter as tears racked through Korra's body. She looked up at the woman carrying the child, who was sobbing into her shoulder, clutching tightly at her clothing.

"I am sorry for my daughter. She doesn't understand that my brother was using illegal means to provide for us… I still can't believe it."

Asami froze at this, and she felt Korra tense at this as well. She squeezed Korra's shoulders as she spoke. "Ma'am, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss, and Korra's involvement in it. Please, let myself and Future Industries help."

A look of disgust crossed the woman's face as she clutched her daughter closer to her. "Do you think you can just buy me off? Like this never happened? No amount of money will _ever_ replace my brother. He may not have been the best or smartest man, but he cared for us, and did what he could to provide for us. Keep your damn blood money. We can look out for ourselves." She hissed, as she turned on her heal, a hand covering her mouth as a she choked out a sob.

Asami watched the woman walk away with her mouth hanging open, feeling the love of her life crumple below her.

**Yeah, this one is really sad. Don't hate me. **


End file.
